**Get ready for a Crazy Alumni Moment below.  You’ve been warned, read at your own risk. **

Also note I’m about to out myself as the biggest band dork on the planet. Yup. Ok not the biggest, that would be the peeps in the alumni band every homecoming. NOT judging mind you, just clarifying. That is a level of dedication that I just don’t have is all I’m saying.  But about one notch under that, that’s me. I may or may not scream harder when the band is on the field than I do for the team. And give the death stare to anyone who dare leave their seat during halftime. Who plans their game selection based on when in the season the band is likely to have the best show? THIS girl. 

I’m standing in the cold rain at Michigan Stadium.  Team is losing, I’m so soaked my underwear is wet.  The hand warmer down my pants is not working.  My hips hurt from shaking like a leaf for the past two quarters.  But never fear, it is halftime.  And the only thing that can cheer me up when the team has forgotten their game somewhere between the locker room and the field is the Michigan Marching Band.  Because dammit even when the team is losing the Band always rocks. We march faster, play louder, our men are more handsome, our women prettier, and our drum major can beat up your drum major! 

Penn State’s band comes out and does their thing.  I gauge it as adequate.  ”Just hurry up” I think. I’m waiting for the real show.  I amuse myself by wondering how cold Blue Sapphire must be in her tiny leotard.  I amuse myself further with the knowledge that she gets a full ride to Penn State for twirling a baton.  Ok that’s not so much amusing me as pissing me off so I focus on mentally heckling the name Blue Sapphire. 

Ok, here we go, here comes the MMB! I’m so excited I shake even more.  Ok, no, that’s just the wind blowing harder, but I’m excited none the less. They come out, looking great as usual. The announcer is bellowing about the show in his lovely bass voice (Hi Carl! You silver fox you). I’m grabbing for my camera even though my hands are so cold I’m fumbling the thing like it was a football (Haha. Hold on to the ball, DAMMIT!).  The music starts and……and…….WTF? They are standing still. Standing STILL. Next song, band turns and ……. standing the hell still!

Are they messing with me!?! Am I being Punk’d by Ashton right now!?! 

Yup I surely was being Punk’d just not by Ashton.  That’s the only explanation for my peeps to come out on that field and stand, turn, play, stand, turn, play, lather rinse repeat. I’m stunned, mouth agape, camera dangling pathetically by the strap.  Somewhere on the sidelines Blue effing Sapphire is laughing her frozen leotard ass off. 

 I don’t ask for much, but when I schlep barefoot through security so I can  fly my behind on a zillion dollar ticket with my knees in my throat the whole way to come see you, BUST A MOVE!  What’s that you say why don’t I just shut my alumni trap and what right do I have to complain anyway? Well see you sure do ask for my money a lot. (By the way if you want to complain to someone about why I don’t have more money to send you take it up with the Psychology Department.) So since you feel ok asking for my cash, I feel ok telling you that standing still does not a marching band make. 

Oh and in regards to the rehersal I came to watch (also in the rain I might add, such is my love for you people) there is no excuse in late October to do five sets of entries and require a breather.  The only people who should need a breather after five sets that late in the season are 28 year old alumni who haven’t done it since Bowl Trip of ’02. The End. 

It’s not all bad. Pregame was solid. You sounded great. Journey, Bon Jovi, Thriller, LOVED it ! The drumline rocks as usual. But the only stand turn stand show that should happen in a season is on homecoming and that’s because you have 80 year old alumni with you on the field. There’s a reason I don’t come to homecoming, guess what it is? Maybe put a disclaimer up on the website and let us know ahead of time when there won’t be a show and I’ll plan accordingly.  

I’ll always love you all, I promise, but part of loving is telling the truth even when it hurts. And the truth is, that was lame.